Algore. One word name. Like Prince. Who else could travel the world preaching the evils of fossil fuels... by private jet? I love Algore... he could very well be the funniest man alive. Comedy Channel watch out! I mean, can you imagine making a movie that WAY oversells climate change... (ummm, bad example... Hollywood and all, harder to imagine making a movie that tells the straight story, isn't it?) ... comprised of Algore in front of charts espousing wacky ideas of how to remedy the evils of fossil fuels by taxing the beejesus out of them, but forgetting to explain that this won't have much of an effect at actually STOPPING or SLOWING global warming. Pan to an audience of doe-eyed young girls looking adoringly on at their Messiah of "Corporation-Bad" theology, and a bevy of earnest-looking young men that parrot the concerned looks of the Algore groupies in the predatory hopes of scoring with the babes.
Ol' Algore sops all this adoration up like a biscuit in that last bit of gravy, and then is shown walking away, pensive, maybe anguished, exhibiting for the camera the burden he bears of knowing that we will all die of evil corporatey things, into the sunset and the Lear Jet that will take him to his next engagement.
Where else in todays ever more base society do we have comedians, nay satirists, of this quality, this subtlety, this ironic absurdity? Steve Martin in The Jerk comes to mind.
A typical Algore day. "When I woke up this morning at 7 o'clock, it was 62 degrees F. By noon, at was up to 89 degrees! This is a frightening statistic... a worldwide wake up call for action. At this rate, it will be 126 degrees by 5 this afternoon and the oceans will be boiling by early tomorrow morning! Mankind and his inherent greed is right now making a Bouillabase of our oceans. By implementing a Wrold Wide tax on Greed and Evilness and Republicans, we can change the planet into a constant 63 degrees paradise where we can all go to college forever! Quick! A group hug!"
Back in my days, you had to at least know how to play the guitar and pretend to be sensitive, or alternatively, be a chick-beating sociopath to attract the "I Deeply Care About Humans and Puppy Dogs" babes. Interestingly, most of us guys found out early that "Deeply Caring About Humans" DID NOT extend to Humans that admired things like, oh, self reliance and and could not get their brain around the idea that "Communism is really beautiful in theory". The college age guys have it easy today... with IQ scores of the "Socially Aware Progressive" plummeting at a rate that makes Global Warming rates look miserly... oh wait, they ARE miserly... they don't even need to know how to play a musical instrument. The challenges to scoring for these amateurs are keeping a straight face and controlling the gag reflex. Algore as the Campus Stud.
I am a sensitive guy. As I have gotten older, my wallet area has become especially sensitive. I am really sensitive to stupid arguments. Amusingly, in real life, tolerance and sensitivity are the reciprocal of one another. Low tolerance equals high sensitivity. By definition really, like the Pressure-Temperature equation. That's why the progressive left is ready to explode. High tolerance and high sensitivity together. Like Pressure and Temperature. Raise them both, the container explodes. So, lets do some Open Choke arithmetic. See, sensitive people don't NEED data, they already KNOW.
You and I. Car, maybe truck drivers. Probably not hybrids, but I wouldn't rule it out. I think they are a good idea. Our cars get 14 miles a gallon on the low end, maybe 30 miles per gallon on the high end. We're in the oilpatch, which means we drive around a fair amount. If we take someone with us, we are getting 28 to 60 miles per gallon per person. If you are like me that may be 20% of the time, so my personal overall fuel per transp0rtation use is between 17 and 36 miles per gallon.
A big ol' Boeing 767, which holds some 200 passengers fully loaded, gets around 1/2 mile to the gallon. When you amortize it over, say, a half full plane, you are pretty efficient! About 50 miles per gallon per person! This is Fantastic! I can now feel good about flying Southwest, especially in those new seats that I pooch over!
Uhhh, Except, Algore doesn't fly 767s. Well, maybe one. Not an airline per se, but the 767 owned by "Do No Evil" (except to pesky Chinese dissidents, because they are just foreigners and we REALLY want to be in China because it represents SUCH a big market) Google Founders Sergey Brin and Larry Page, who share Algore's values about saving the planet from Evildoers.
You see, Algore is a Senior Advisor for Google, and maybe they let him use the servants cabin on the plane on occassion. You see, in Happy Land, a Senior Advisor for one of the most profitable enterprises on Earth does NOT mean "Lobbyist for Big Corporate America" because, well, Al is not REGISTERED as a Lobbyist, and Google's profit margins, some 6 times larger than ExxonMobil's are NOT obscene, 'cause the money they make is redistributed wealth and not NEW wealth like ExxonMobil's and... uh, wait a minute.... uh, never mind. Oh, I remember, it's because Google has a "Campus" and ExxonMobil has a <scary movie music> "Corporate Headquarters". Its a grown-up business, and we all know, only grown-ups are evil.
In any case, if he flew the Google 767, and he had 10 people with him, Algore is burning a breathtaking a personal 5 miles per gallon! If Algore uses the private jet of one of his Hollywood Concerned Brethren, say an 8 seater Falcon, Captain Climate burns a truly remarkable 1 to 2 miles per gallon! That's like driving 15 Hummers simultaneously! Yeehaw! No wonder he is burned up about oil prices!
In any case, my new buddy Algore has made me see the light. Kyoto-Like Efficiency is what it is all about. Following that example, I have very successfully implemented MY plan to save the planet. You know, Do My Part. I have put on an extra 50 lbs eatin' mexican food and chicken frieds.
See, my car weighs 3000 lbs. I used to weigh 200 lbs. Since the basic need for my car is to transport live meat here and there, I am only 200/3200 or 6.25% efficient in doing so. By expanding my mass to 250 lbs, then at 250/3250, I am 7.7% efficient, a net increase in efficiency of nearly 20%! At 300 lbs, I will have met Kyoto standards forever! I plan on selling my tax credits as a responsible steward of the environment to Evil Polluters... you know, those bastions of inefficiency... the "in shape" crowd! Evil polluting bastards!