AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT PASSES SENATE
October 21, 2011
WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - The Senate approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA), lauded by President Barak Obama shortly after its passage, is being hailed as a major victory by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Obama, a longtime AWNA supporter.
"This is why many of them voted for me. We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and marginalized. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing", said Obama.
President Obama pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance and the EPA, an agency that is able to create economically smothering regulations that serve little or no purpose and provide meaningful tax-dependent employment for those that combine the skill-less capabilities and anger at capitalism necessary to run a modern US regulatory agency. Approximately 80 percent of both postal and EPA employees lack job skills, making these agencies the single largest US employers of Persons of Inability.
Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), Copy/Printing stores (67%) and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%). President Obama has also set an example, personally selecting hundreds of Nonabled people for top government positions, including many cabinet-level jobs.
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" and positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in top positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?" and "Are you awake?"
"As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to compete with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills.
"This new law should really help people like me."
With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation. It is a fundamental human right equivalent to and no less important than our other fundamental rights such as free college education, free quality healthcare, free retirement benefits and free other various stuff. As long as they continue to vote Democrat."
Acknowledgement: Paraphrased from an old email from Ron Nickle several years ago..